Counting Every Blessing

James was three days old. Isaac was making me breakfast and I was in the bedroom holding James. I had just finished feeding him, was utterly exhausted emotionally and physically, and still processing the past few days. I had music playing and was singing to the baby boy I was finally holding. The baby I had waited for and prayed for for months. The song “Counting Every Blessing” by Rend Collective came on and I felt tears welling up in my eyes. Every word resonated with me. I just stopped singing and looked down at my son and felt the tears rolling down my face. I knew with all my heart that I’ve been blessed beyond all measure. 

It’s been a year. A horrible, heart-wrenching year. But also a year that has been so sweet and full of promises. I’ve been the saddest I’ve ever been before, but also the happiest. Really, the past two years have been a roller coaster of emotions. Watching my dad learn about his cancer, and go through chemo and other treatments was so hard. Saying goodbye to him for the last time… I can’t even tell you how horrible that was for me. We’re nearing up to the two-year anniversary of when he found out what was causing the pains in his stomach and his fatigue. And as the holidays come, all I can think about is all the things he used to do that he’ll never do again. I didn’t realize that last Christmas would be our last holiday with him. Or that just two weeks later he would leave his earthly body to join his Father in heaven.

I’m still ridden with grief. It may not show the majority of the time, but right under the surface I’m still mourning the loss of my daddy, my first love and my role model. Some days I forget that he’ll never be with us again. Other days I reach for my phone, wanting to text him or call and tell him something funny I just thought of. Then on days like today I remember that he is gone forever and I’ll never hear his voice again or feel his arms wrap around me in one of his hugs. 

You were there in the valley of shadows
You were there in the depth of my sorrows
You’re my strength, my hope for tomorrow
I’ve been blessed beyond all measure

But on that day when I looked down at the tiny baby in my arms, I remembered what Job said, “The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” That was the verse we used when we announced I was pregnant. And it truly captures everything my family has been through this past year. In the span of five days, the Lord took my dad and grandpa away, but he has also given us indescribable joy that can only be found in him. He gave me the opportunity to tell both of these men I was expecting a sweet baby in August. And He gave us promise and hope, knowing exactly where they were going after they died. 

I was lost, now I’m found by the Father
I’ve been changed from a ruin to treasure
I’ve been given a hope and a future
I’ve been blessed beyond all measure

My dad lived his life for Christ. My grandpa was a true testimony of how the Lord continues to teach, mold and grow his saints. They were two of the greatest men I’ve ever known. And I know my world and the world of so many people around me will never be the same now that they are gone. Their anthem was that they were lost, but now they were found. They were taken from a life of sin, and given a new life through Christ. No matter what they went through, they continued to say they were blessed beyond all measure.
My dad had to suffer as his body slowly gave out on him, but still he continued to say that the only thing that defined him was his Lord and Savior. He didn’t have deliverance from his sickness, but still he was blessed. Because he was saved and loved by the one true God. 

And as I think back to my dad and my grandpa, I feel my sorrow turn to joy. Yes, we miss them like crazy and I wish I had just one more day to tell them I loved them. And I wish they could have met James. But I have to understand and trust that the Lord has a plan for all of this. I may not understand why my dad was taken away at 56 years old, but he was. I may never know why my grandpa suffered a horrible stroke in front of all his family, but he did. And my prayer through all this is that the Lord be glorified no matter what. Because that’s exactly what they would have wanted.  I have to trust that God is in control.

And I have to count every blessing. 

I am counting every blessing, counting every blessing
Letting go and trusting when I cannot see
I am counting every blessing, counting every blessing
Surely every season You are good to me

I truly am blessed beyond all measure. I am SAVED. I am FORGIVEN. And I am CHOSEN. 

I was blind, now I’m seeing in colour
I was dead, now I’m living forever
I had failed, but You were my Redeemer
I’ve been blessed beyond all measure.

Everything else I have pales in comparison to that. But by the grace of God I have a husband who loves me. A sweet, healthy son who has brought my family so much joy. I have a house, a job, food, friends and a wonderful church family. I am still learning and growing in Christ. And so. much. more. 

I am blessed beyond all measure. 
Because I am a child of God. 
And I have a hope for tomorrow. 

Blessed be the name of the Lord! 

Photos by the talented Tricia Marie Photography.